TNT: Conversations with my Twin

Do  you have a relative/friend who just makes you feel so free to be you that it's like you aren't your complete self when they aren't around? It's like they are your twin?

I have a cousin/ God Sister who taps into my humanity like no other.

I'm like Pop-eye, but she is like my spinach .
 I just feel more able to "do me" when she is around. And when she isn't, I know that things would be different if she was in the building!She emboldens the hell out of me and I ground her; I  still don't know if that is a good or bad thing.
For example:

Born sinner: I cheated on my boyfriend.

                                              "I was born sinning, but I live better than that"

Word, finally a rap song about being introspective and making a decision to just live better even though life is crazy and has you surrounded by people who will oft times convince you to do stuff you shouldn't....or try to convince you to live your life, according to their plan. It's sinful:  Ellen thinks so too-I love when people just "do them"

Moving on to real life...The woman who was washing the "NSSO's" underwear at her house, kept hitting me up on facebook saying happy birthday and liking my sexy pics (all of my pics are default sexy)...She is all "free", so this probably means she wants to have sex with me, but even if I could get past this betrayal of the "G Code" , as Nene Leakes calls it, I still wouldn't be bothered with her-even if I could rent my worst enemies vagina to do  so...

Fast forward, I entered a new "real relationship", while I was angry about what happened in my previous relationship and still unsure about feelings for the the other person in my new "real relationship". Furthermore, I have had enough bad experiences to have moments where I am like:
 

So getting into a relationship is well, ...a Bad idea!
 But  bad ideas are seductive, so I did it anyway...

On Love: Do you really sleep with white women? do you feel bad about it?

So my mom dated Ving Rhames. Legend has it, he cooked her dinner in his home-but she didn't like him...But she never likes anyone cool.

She messed it up for my brother and I;  our dad could've been a movie star, an underrated movie star who once dressed as a woman, but a movie star none the less...Anyhow: My first experience with Ving was a little less personal:

 I saw him in the film Holiday Heart; (the snippet is one of my favorite scene) It made me think, about love and the Holidays: What does it mean to love? Granted when you are into someone, you recognize the flaws in their humanity, but you can look past it, generally , everything becomes negligible.  However, we cant always count on the people in our family, friend circle and other "informed outsiders"to be so diplomatic. This can often add all sorts of:

to your recipe for "grand love, especially now  that we are in the throes of the holiday season.

Grammar: why, how and where it matters may surprise you...

So...I online date...

Yeah, I know,  many people think its a horrible idea; because I am too good looking, too successful (cough ! cough!) and too together (hack cough) to seek a mate online...

This is utter B.S.! The people you meet online are the same maladaptive antisocial folks you could meet at a networking event, a job, the train, a club or on the street. The person, of the online profile, does live somewhere...the place they live: real life.

Bitter Medicine of Adulthood: choosing and choices

Some choices we makes for ourselves in life , and some we make for other people; not because we don't love them, but because we do.The only way we know its right, is if it lats us stay true to ourselves...but, we cant regret our choices:


well, at least, that's what they say, in clever TV shows that only last twenty minutes and revolve around the impossible; prostitutes with swollen bank accounts and many private lovers who want to take them off the auction block despite how they have been used...London must be so liberal. I loved that show. Also, this guy certainly echos this sentiment as well; he certainly made a choice and is without regret. Though I suppose, if you are going to kill someone , you shouldn't regret it-but his reasoning is just humorous in  the most macabre way...Anyway!

Abstinence: A new perspective, not about the value of your vagina, but about valuing your vagina..

Prior to my last partner, I hadn't had sex in over two years...This article inspired me to write on it

Problem: Whenever, I got close enough to someone to warrant this kind of personal revelation, I would always get the:

• why haven't you been having sex?
•  you are such a pretty girl?
•  Is it because you are crazy?
•  do you have something?
•  Are you a prude?"

The answers (had I chosen to entertain such ignorance) would have been like this:

•  blank stare
•  So, pretty girl =sex fiend (Judge mathis voice) ?
•  I have been called crazy and on occasion I have acted so-but it's always been provoked.  Crazy by me has never been performed in a vacum.
•  I do have something...lupus-I am afraid it's incommunicable-because I'd love to share it with you!
• Heavens no!

Why working on Thanksgiving is not tantamount to 12 years a slave...

Everyone doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving.(cue the American Indian)




In addition, everyone doesn't want to work holidays, making time and a half / triple time. However, if you want to make some extra money, you should have the option to.

His choice

Ending=Beginning (finale)

is what my mom said, but when I am hurt...it's personal

Relationships: "How it ended , is probably how it began" (Part two)

He then calmly said he had to go to work...
and I was like:                                                                   
 

Eff you and your job...

Why do I have to care about anyone's job but mine? (At this point he had already violated me , by putting my bag outside) So, he was worried... and he should have been because...

Relationship: "How it begins, is how it ends" (part one)

I hate dating.
I have lupus.
Dating takes a long time.
I want to have fun, love, lust, sex and travel around the world before I die.
Not to be macabre. but dating can pose a problem for someone with lupus, who may die in the time it takes to date and therefore wont be able to enjoy the aforementioned...

So that was my disclaimer of sorts, so you can know where I am coming from as I describe the events of today in a succinct , but satisfying manner...

finding a new place

Since being "moved" from my old place, I am searching for a new place-alone.

When I say that I am not looking with a roomate, people look at me like:









Apparently, being alone is a luxury...which has forced me
to ponder what being alone in an apartment will mean:

-probably not shopping at whole foods-ever again.
-No extracurricular activities that don't involve work.
-No new friends or old ones.

and so on and so forth...







Which is probably why almost everyone I know has roommates .

On Miss America

Little known facet: I was a  runner up in an Beautiful Baby, New York contest. I should have won first place. When I didn't I am sure I looked like this



At two. 

Now, as a sophisticated intellectual, I take pride in not watching pageants anymore.The black girl never wins anyway; no matter how gorgeous, wonderful, poised, or educated. However, something of historical interest happened this past weekend.

Nina Davuluri became the first Indian American to win Miss America ever, in 2014.

I think that is dope, however many people across the country don't.  One man actually said, on twitter, "Miss America, you mean Miss 7-11"

MTV VMA 2013 Observations

                                                  Normally I don't do this , but whatever...

However, this probably has more to do with the fact that I work, school and parent my bunny, so I usually  never have time for this

Mainstream Media resists a fair representation of black people...

Word?!!? Noooo!

I went to this event, a few months ago...on May 15, 2013, by mistake . This guy, whom I met on the internet, wanted to meet here.

He was ,and is, the bougie for no reason at all type and wanted to "be seen" on 'the scene'. So I met him at MIST: Harlem for this Black , Brown and Digital event.( more about his nutty ass later, maybe)

Anyway, it was at this event I discovered some new trendy things worth my time: New Web series and independent film to watch, when I cant download anymore reality TV . I  won't lie and say I have watched it all, but one day/sleepless night coming soon, I may, but For now, I am going to lay down an interest list and do a 'few' lines of thought for each, with a meme that sums it up. No particular order.

READY. SET. GO:

On Sex;evolution of experience

Sex is something for porn stars and college students, who don't know any better. Either you can focus on making it something beautiful for you, or a thing of beauty for the masses.

I prefer it to be beautiful for me and mines...whomever that is

The battle of the Indian vs the African aka Personal Natural Hair Challenge

I have this really great curly hair...

yet, sometimes, most times, I have this unyielding desire to look like everyone else. I want that sleek , straight hair situation...


Though I would never get a perm....
I will flat iron my hair into submission, like a foster parent is rumored to beat bad children...often.

My computer was so stolen! What I did.

     With the exception of the first computer, I have ever bought (a second hand mac in 2005), I have abused every computer I have ever owned. So, when I bought my first new computer, and I found out best buy had a insurance option that covered accidental damage,I was like:













So I bought my computer, had more than a few accidents, then I got more insurance.

Solicitation on the Train is Illegal, but for those who insist...

This guy

 
I am not.
Not a dime, nickel, or a quarter...

Homeless; a working definition

Homeless or not, my standards haven't changed. If anything they have risen since I have moved...back with "'moms and 'em".

Coincidentally Ms. Kendra, while not homeless, has one home less-because she was evicted...

However, I hate when people look at me like... I have a problem because I am just home with my mom like

Homeless : Eating out, but not outside...

Living at home, allows me to eat out a lot...because I save money on things: namely rent.