Born sinner: I cheated on my boyfriend.

                                              "I was born sinning, but I live better than that"

Word, finally a rap song about being introspective and making a decision to just live better even though life is crazy and has you surrounded by people who will oft times convince you to do stuff you shouldn't....or try to convince you to live your life, according to their plan. It's sinful:  Ellen thinks so too-I love when people just "do them"

Moving on to real life...The woman who was washing the "NSSO's" underwear at her house, kept hitting me up on facebook saying happy birthday and liking my sexy pics (all of my pics are default sexy)...She is all "free", so this probably means she wants to have sex with me, but even if I could get past this betrayal of the "G Code" , as Nene Leakes calls it, I still wouldn't be bothered with her-even if I could rent my worst enemies vagina to do  so...

Fast forward, I entered a new "real relationship", while I was angry about what happened in my previous relationship and still unsure about feelings for the the other person in my new "real relationship". Furthermore, I have had enough bad experiences to have moments where I am like:
 

So getting into a relationship is well, ...a Bad idea!
 But  bad ideas are seductive, so I did it anyway...

On Love: Do you really sleep with white women? do you feel bad about it?

So my mom dated Ving Rhames. Legend has it, he cooked her dinner in his home-but she didn't like him...But she never likes anyone cool.

She messed it up for my brother and I;  our dad could've been a movie star, an underrated movie star who once dressed as a woman, but a movie star none the less...Anyhow: My first experience with Ving was a little less personal:

 I saw him in the film Holiday Heart; (the snippet is one of my favorite scene) It made me think, about love and the Holidays: What does it mean to love? Granted when you are into someone, you recognize the flaws in their humanity, but you can look past it, generally , everything becomes negligible.  However, we cant always count on the people in our family, friend circle and other "informed outsiders"to be so diplomatic. This can often add all sorts of:

to your recipe for "grand love, especially now  that we are in the throes of the holiday season.

Abstinence: A new perspective, not about the value of your vagina, but about valuing your vagina..

Prior to my last partner, I hadn't had sex in over two years...This article inspired me to write on it

Problem: Whenever, I got close enough to someone to warrant this kind of personal revelation, I would always get the:

• why haven't you been having sex?
•  you are such a pretty girl?
•  Is it because you are crazy?
•  do you have something?
•  Are you a prude?"

The answers (had I chosen to entertain such ignorance) would have been like this:

•  blank stare
•  So, pretty girl =sex fiend (Judge mathis voice) ?
•  I have been called crazy and on occasion I have acted so-but it's always been provoked.  Crazy by me has never been performed in a vacum.
•  I do have something...lupus-I am afraid it's incommunicable-because I'd love to share it with you!
• Heavens no!

Why working on Thanksgiving is not tantamount to 12 years a slave...

Everyone doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving.(cue the American Indian)




In addition, everyone doesn't want to work holidays, making time and a half / triple time. However, if you want to make some extra money, you should have the option to.

His choice

Ending=Beginning (finale)

is what my mom said, but when I am hurt...it's personal

Relationship: "How it begins, is how it ends" (part one)

I hate dating.
I have lupus.
Dating takes a long time.
I want to have fun, love, lust, sex and travel around the world before I die.
Not to be macabre. but dating can pose a problem for someone with lupus, who may die in the time it takes to date and therefore wont be able to enjoy the aforementioned...

So that was my disclaimer of sorts, so you can know where I am coming from as I describe the events of today in a succinct , but satisfying manner...

Mainstream Media resists a fair representation of black people...

Word?!!? Noooo!

I went to this event, a few months ago...on May 15, 2013, by mistake . This guy, whom I met on the internet, wanted to meet here.

He was ,and is, the bougie for no reason at all type and wanted to "be seen" on 'the scene'. So I met him at MIST: Harlem for this Black , Brown and Digital event.( more about his nutty ass later, maybe)

Anyway, it was at this event I discovered some new trendy things worth my time: New Web series and independent film to watch, when I cant download anymore reality TV . I  won't lie and say I have watched it all, but one day/sleepless night coming soon, I may, but For now, I am going to lay down an interest list and do a 'few' lines of thought for each, with a meme that sums it up. No particular order.

READY. SET. GO:

The battle of the Indian vs the African aka Personal Natural Hair Challenge

I have this really great curly hair...

yet, sometimes, most times, I have this unyielding desire to look like everyone else. I want that sleek , straight hair situation...


Though I would never get a perm....
I will flat iron my hair into submission, like a foster parent is rumored to beat bad children...often.

Solicitation on the Train is Illegal, but for those who insist...

This guy

 
I am not.
Not a dime, nickel, or a quarter...

For the unoccupied intellectual Insomniac who needs something to do-because they can't get done...

 Art, Websites, Films Ideas, with links to films and discussion boards that I find interesting...Don't judge me!  (I will add more as I discover) Check back often

Henna: "Ish" I like

I am a "scary" (as many of my southern relations call it), so I don't do real tattoos; I am extremely afraid that I will turn 80 and have a big old golden rose on or, god forbid,, someones name on my booty. Hey, if you have one of these things-if you like it-I love it. It still isn't for me.

I have thought about getting a quote or something Egyptian, like Rhianna...maybe when I am to old to care...

Anywhosits, I decided not to make any permanent solutions for the temporary problem of not having any ink-I made a temporary decision instead and got a henna tattoo.

See you at the Crossroads: (yes, no, maybe?)

My sister's brother died a few days ago.He was twenty.

His funeral is today at 11am. I was trying to figure out what happened, mainly because, when you are relatively young and someone younger than you dies-even if the connection is arbitrary, it's worrisome. I wanted to know how he died, but I wouldn't dare ask-because that would be insensitive.
 
SO , instead of asking, I googled:
And what I found...:

Resolved: Thought(s) On funerals

Funerals are hard for me, and that is part of the reason "I don't really do" them , because they are so hard, long and fake..oh, and early...

Idealy, a funeral is the one place where you should "get it how you live", but propriety stifles people from telling it like it is strangely enough, in the last place they probably will be able too.

"But they Family..." Oh?

They say experience forms an individual’s operative definitions for their day to day functioning. Based off of the personal, business and vicarious experiences of close friends-and friends, who feel they are close enough to tell me all of their business, though all of my body language says “This is inappropriate, I don’t know you like that-Please stop!”

My definition of family is as follows:

Family (N): A group loosely connected, usually by blood, that doesn’t know how to act if and when they come together because society is confuddled by and ever changing concept of family and morality.

When I am confronted with the threat of Family (Yes it’s a threat), I think fights, drama and baggage from a past that, I haven’t gotten over but, I have pretended like I have forgotten. I am not above admitting that I have had all types of  awful issues in my family ranging from, but not limited too; drug abuse, physical abuse, elder abuse and financial abuse. Calling to mind something my aunt used to tell me, “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” She ended it with a period, but I would have ended it with a question mark, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family?” Why can’t we choose our families?

Fixing for an eviction...

So, I was on a mission to just write something, ANYTHING to keep this from being a blog that is more style than substance-which is harder than I thought...

Even when you are lacking things to do (always) , and have everything else TO DO (always),  but write about the innocuous, annoying, striking and whatever else relentlessly holds your attentions hostage(usually something on the internet). It's hard to articulate ..So when all else fails, I write about the present: