My sister's brother died a few days ago.He was twenty.
His funeral is today at 11am. I was trying to figure out what happened, mainly because, when you are relatively young and someone younger than you dies-even if the connection is arbitrary, it's worrisome. I wanted to know how he died, but I wouldn't dare ask-because that would be insensitive.
SO , instead of asking, I googled:
And what I found...:
I always knew my sister's brother was troubled, but a felon..."well, damn?" Is it wrong to be a little less troubled by some deaths than others?Everyone does it. everyday-so I suppose not.
I am no moral scion; I don't judge people for their crimes or the way they live, unless they do something to me-personally; as that's different- it's personal. Steal from me or kill someone I love, and I have to cuss you to the bowels of hell!
However, he was all the way in another state(like my sister), getting into the things that he shouldn't have. And not unlike most "educated black people', who have forgotten the 'it takes a village module", I was like French Montana, I wasn't "worried about nothin'" and could now comfortably chalk his death to karma or him "getting it how he lived".
Yet when I thought more deeply-which I do from time to time; I think his sister-my sister, and his family should have been more supportive of him in life.With regard to our black male counterparts, we all should...be more supportive of them in life. Think about the cost of the funeral: (Avg :6, 500) and that ridiculous omni present T-shirt (with the name of the deceased): if that money was used to enhance their lives...where would they be? probably not in a coffin.
Just a thought...
In addition, I should have been more supportive of my sister, and then I would have felt comfortable being honest with her and possibly encouraging her to effect a change in this situation.
As an aside, one of Sistah Souljah's characters stated that "It is the highest level of civilization when you realize that you are connected to others" (A deeper love inside , 2013). I think this is true , and I am guilty of distributing my energy to certain connections based on convenience, a manifestation of the uniquely black feminine struggle (maybe even as a black person), where a fear of the crab in a barrel effect, makes you abandon, and maybe even deny, your 'ne'er do well" connections.
Thus my clamor for individuality and independence may have cost me my civilization...for a little while.
To avoid a loss of personal civilization (like starting today), I try remind myself, when I am making big decisions, that I will probably have more flowers at my funeral, then I will see, live and breath throughout my life. This is true for most people.
However, I don't like this reality, so one of my "bucket list " things is to show "my people' love while they are here...everyday, in every way that I can-including my sister, who buried a big piece of herself today and is truly entitled to more of me, and may need it now more than ever...
It's not fair, but this may be as close as my sister and I can get to "the Fair"..since everyone ends up watching it from a distance anyway.
His funeral is today at 11am. I was trying to figure out what happened, mainly because, when you are relatively young and someone younger than you dies-even if the connection is arbitrary, it's worrisome. I wanted to know how he died, but I wouldn't dare ask-because that would be insensitive.
SO , instead of asking, I googled:
And what I found...:
I always knew my sister's brother was troubled, but a felon..."well, damn?" Is it wrong to be a little less troubled by some deaths than others?Everyone does it. everyday-so I suppose not.I am no moral scion; I don't judge people for their crimes or the way they live, unless they do something to me-personally; as that's different- it's personal. Steal from me or kill someone I love, and I have to cuss you to the bowels of hell!
However, he was all the way in another state(like my sister), getting into the things that he shouldn't have. And not unlike most "educated black people', who have forgotten the 'it takes a village module", I was like French Montana, I wasn't "worried about nothin'" and could now comfortably chalk his death to karma or him "getting it how he lived".
Yet when I thought more deeply-which I do from time to time; I think his sister-my sister, and his family should have been more supportive of him in life.With regard to our black male counterparts, we all should...be more supportive of them in life. Think about the cost of the funeral: (Avg :6, 500) and that ridiculous omni present T-shirt (with the name of the deceased): if that money was used to enhance their lives...where would they be? probably not in a coffin.
Just a thought...
In addition, I should have been more supportive of my sister, and then I would have felt comfortable being honest with her and possibly encouraging her to effect a change in this situation.
As an aside, one of Sistah Souljah's characters stated that "It is the highest level of civilization when you realize that you are connected to others" (A deeper love inside , 2013). I think this is true , and I am guilty of distributing my energy to certain connections based on convenience, a manifestation of the uniquely black feminine struggle (maybe even as a black person), where a fear of the crab in a barrel effect, makes you abandon, and maybe even deny, your 'ne'er do well" connections.
Thus my clamor for individuality and independence may have cost me my civilization...for a little while.
To avoid a loss of personal civilization (like starting today), I try remind myself, when I am making big decisions, that I will probably have more flowers at my funeral, then I will see, live and breath throughout my life. This is true for most people. However, I don't like this reality, so one of my "bucket list " things is to show "my people' love while they are here...everyday, in every way that I can-including my sister, who buried a big piece of herself today and is truly entitled to more of me, and may need it now more than ever...
It's not fair, but this may be as close as my sister and I can get to "the Fair"..since everyone ends up watching it from a distance anyway.
-Gentrifried
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